gee, it's great to be back home

following a hotel room with a herd of cochroaches, a thought-to-be-broken foot garnered on the roof of a nepali bus, 20 men throwing rocks at me from the train platform, growing exhausted by traveler small talk and 115 degree heat preventing me from leaving my hotel room after 9 am, it was time to get the hell out of dodge. if dodge means traveling life. there's something wonderful about not knowing where the day will lead, seeing things that are completely novel and being in your element by being out of your element. but when chris said i could come back to the land of peace love and music or something like it, i jumped at the chance. getting off the janshitabdi in dehra dun was the biggest sigh of relief in my life. the rainwet roads and headlights illuminating narrow bands of the forest winding up to mussoorie reminded me of the first drive up the mountain, cole and i stepping out of the jeep, wide-eyed and so much younger. i prepared myself for a place void of many beloveds, and, newly, chose not to mourn and (largely) abstained.

after a week and a half of "blobbing" (as preeti terms the perfect blend of relaxing) to the tune of action movies, pizza, an excess of quality beverages, too much facebooking and being lazy, unemployed, and void of 97% or responsibility, i am restored. i could feel guilty. but. naaaah.

it's the smells. monsoon, mold, chris's clove cigarettes. wet streets, the temple doubling as urinal in the bazaar. the smell of green. defining places, in words, seems to marginalize their meaning. and woodstock... man. it's heavy and light and self-defining and so much. on my second night in town i accompanied chris to the junior/senior banquet. when my ninth graders, who i swear have all grown like 6 inches in the last 3 months, saw me they all started clapping. i can't say that didn't warm my heart, since if i did say that, i'd be lying. meeting the new blood is the weirdest. having to explain myself, i become defensive of my experiences and prowess in this place. i know, i want to yell. you don't have to tell me twice, i lived here too! though some of the lovethatmakesaplace are absent, i am still the queen poker contender-and-not-champion, chris starr is still the only star in my galaxy and the homeyness has not lost it's flavor.

when i woke up on monday morning i realized the end is now unavoidable. i consistently temper goodbyes, to people and places, with an escape clause. the, "oh, i'll probably see you again before i go" and the like. but the outs are gone. i've lived here for over 2 years. i've hated it and loved it more than any other place and experience in my life. defining it in any additional simple terms would demean something i love, something important, something essential. sure it sounds dramatic. and an amazing thing is that, even though i am writing this in my blog, for the first time, i don't want to try to explain so you'll understand this moment. a monsoon night in the dark. the end of this era. i've done enough explaining and sharing. i think i'll take this for me. one for the road.