pockets as big as the universe

visiting my temple yesterday afternoon with green leaves and mountain snows
i had a moment of inspiration. i could make a lessons-and-carols-like service. (this thought was largely derived from the "nine lessons and carols service" at woodstock on sunday). except, (obviously) instead of readings from the bible and hymns, i would compose my own sources of inspiration. always compelled by a new project (especially during finals week), i embark on the lessons and carols (subtitled: profound thoughts and inspiring lyrics)…


last night i searched on the internet for soul sustenance. bored of students’ papers, i browsed the aisles of barnesandnoble.com. imagining a caramel latte in my hand. i tried to find the excerpt from extremely loud and incredibly close that i had been yearning for. however, the website only tormented me with the first four pages. a late night email sent to a student brought the book, by delivery, to my classroom.

so, today during the fire drill, i walked out of school and kept walking. away from grades, essays, writing student comments, composing tests. away from everything. and after about ½ an hour of searching, i found what i was looking for.

an ambulance drove down the street between us, and i imagined who it was carrying, and what had happened to him. did he break an ankle attempting a hard trick on his skateboard? or maybe he was dying from third-degree burns on ninety percent of his body? was there any chance i knew him? did anyone see the ambulance and wonder if it was me inside?
what about a device that knew everyone you knew? so when an ambulance went down the street, a big sign on the roof could flash

DON’T WORRY! DON’T WORRY!

if the sick person’s device didn’t detect the device of someone he knew nearby. and if the device did detect the device of someone he knew, the ambulance could flash the name of the person in the ambulance, and either

IT’S NOTHING MAJOR! IT’S NOTHING MAJOR!

and maybe you could rate the people you knew by how much you loved then, so the device of the person in the ambulance detected the device of the person he loved the most, or the person who loved him the most, and the person in the ambulance was really badly hurt, and might even die, the ambulance could flash

GOODBYE! I LOVE YOU! GOODBYE! I LOVE YOU!

one thing that’s nice to think about is someone who was the first person on lots of people’s lists, so that when he was dying, and his ambulance went down the street to the hospital, the whole time it would flash

GOODBYE! I LOVE YOU! GOODBYE! I LOVE YOU!

…we need much bigger pockets, i thought as i lay in bed, counting off the seven minutes it takes a normal person to fall asleep. we need enormous pockets, pockets big enough for our families, and our friends, and even the people who aren’t on our lists, people we’ve never met but still want to protect. we need pockets for boroughs and for cities, a pocket that could hold the universe (foer, 72-74).

sometimes i am perplexed by how far apart I am from the ones i love. that i don’t know if something monumentally good or bad happened to you at 7:54 am or if you are happy or sad. but then i am comforted because when you love someone, you give a little part of yourself (or, i guess, a big part) to them. and then you are with them forever, in their gigantic pockets, everywhere they go. and that’s what love is. oh, i love being la la lovey-dovey.

i was looking for a melissa ethridge song that many of you have on cds from the summer 2004 era, but i found this instead. it’s like when you’re looking for a specific quote to go into a paper and then you find one that matches better…

willie nelson “everywhere i go”

i’ll take you with me everywhere i go
i’ll put you in my pocket who will know?
right next to my heart at every show
i’ll take you with me everywhere i go...

no matter where our trails will finally wind
our paths will just keep crossing yours and mine
until then and in my pocket you must go
i’ll take you with me everywhere i go
until then in my pocket you must go
i’ll take you with me everywhere i go