i heart my india

volume ii: hold 'em (subtitled: c. "pocket aces" humm)

historically, poker nights have been a men's only event here at woodstock school. i garnered a half-hearted invitation to the first poker night of the year only because it was at brian's house (#section 34a. of the best friend clause, gender, religious background and other traits are to be forgone for the acceptance of said individual in given activity. invitation is to be made with disregard to the judgment of others.) similar to brian's invitations to sex and the city gatherings at homestead #1). think of it somewhat akin to the time your mom made you invite your sister to your boys only sleepover. my presence at the poker table would have resembled the time benny "the jet" rodriguez tried brought smalls to the sandlot for the first time. even though the following allegory (taken from the 2005 sat verbal section) demonstrates my card-playing prowess:

courtney is to poker is not as scotty smalls is to

since poker night was a testosterone-driven event, i never made it on the invite list. a month or so ago i decided to invite myself to tag along, as a little sister would tag along when her big brothers were playing homerun derby. however, just like my childhood friends came to realize during my stint as a tom boy, this girls' got game.

the simple fact that i have game, which was demonstrated on multiple occassions (especially when not accompanied by alcohol), won me (as i proudly told my ninth graders) a spot on the email list for last night's game. i felt as if i had truly arrived when dave " “pocket 2 of clubs and 7 of diamonds equals ‘all in’ before the flop” weber included a lone woman king (a.k.a. girl). chris "burnin' the flop" starr, ethan "i bet like kamikaze pilots, like i mean it" vandrunen, brian "straight flush and four of a kind in-one-night" meyer, dave and i started our first hand around 9. at 1:30 am (never a stranger to a late night for a worthy cause) the table was down to brian and i. we finally ended the night at 2:30, and though i did not take home the 500 rup. purse, it was more than a moral victory. to quote waiting for guffman, (this is a shout out for molly e. b. "grupe") "we women are just as strong as you men!"

i heart my india

throughout india, bumper stickers on tata trucks (note for the unfamiliar: you can think of tata trucks as american dump trucks on steroids, excessive makeup and distinctively unique horn jingles) affirm, "i heart my india" like new york tourists affirm "i heart ny" in t-shirt style. the bumper stickers avow an increasingly evident truth—india is not the same for any two people. situations and experiences make this country of over 1.2 billion into a country of over 1.2 billion versions of loveable and loathable realities. in all romantic and pragmatic definitions, india refuses to change for anyone. for better or worse, cows wander the streets and block traffic, trains run on “india time” and stomach bugs are as common as ogling indian men in bus stations. too often i poke fun at the irritations of living in a foreign, developing country. however, during the past few weeks, multiple things have affirmed my love for india. i title these volumes, i heart my india.

volume i: weekend adventures
one of the top reasons i stayed in india for a second year was travel. even weekend mini-holidays in rishikesh, home of attractive hippies, delicious italian and israeli food, cheap hippie apparel (scarves and flow-ey skirts) and incredibly kitschy indian souvenirs (like this moving-fish tank photo frame). after jessie, maddy and i participated in the first round of glutton bowl 2006,we ventured down to the river just in time for a torrential downpour, complete with an outburst of hail. i ducked into a jewelry store to seek refuge from the dime-sized ice chunks. however, rishikesh was the real refuge-- no students, cold mornings, attacking monkeys, dietary limitations (including the rule that you should not drink or smoke with stomach lacerations) or responsibilities. a little preview of the "pro- traveler" tour i will take through italy and india over winter vacation. god bless the schedule of a teacher. and the budget of an american in india.

what's an antonym for productivity?

this morning i was on a war path to dive into work. real work. not researching songs to learn on the guitar or browsing blogs. i pinpoint the following reasons for the bastardization of my plan.

1) no iPod to insulate me from the staff workroom. i don't have it for one day and my brain is spinning in hindi, kid, hiking, french, etc. conversations in the teacher's lounge. dear brian, i blame you.
2) sepsis of the brain deriving from another bacterial infection in my stomach (dave, am i using this term correctly :) ).
3) google images. always on the list of reasons why ms. humm is not an efficient worker.
4) i can't stop thinking about my rock star costume and the accompanying halloween blizzard of 1991. i am obsessed with the idea of trying to go trick or treating with my extremely limited hindi vocabulary. i would probably at least get a cup of tea, so much better than those damn black and orange peanut butter candies old people give out.
5) i also can't stop thinking about these sex bears. story: i love playing the claw game. you know, the one with the stuffed animals you can win. once i was trying to win either a harry potter or a scooby doo. and i got this stupid pink bear instead. to my surprise, as the claw lifted the pink bear, a blue one followed. i was puzzled by the two bears, seemingly connected at the crotch by a string. i pulled the bears apart in the perkins waiting area and the bears started vibrating, moving toward one another and avowing "darling, i love you."
6) the other 15% of my brain is pondering italian cuisine, indian beaches, the thriller dance in the micheal jackson video, what is for lunch, watching scooby doo episodes in my mind, ways to tie halloween into the study of world history, where i could find a pumpkin to carve, why scan tron sheets can't read pen markings, what the phrase, "golly, ned" means, what my face would look like with cheekbones, the meaning of halloween and why it originated, the ghostbuster theme song, what ligers do in the wild, if j.d. salinger is still alive and secretly writing somewhere, possible halloween costumes, including how i could dress as a giant bacteria, the possibility of jet packs in the future and why my cup of coffee is being used for good rather than evil in the firing of synapses.

a legitimate blog documenting my life in india is to follow. this has been diarrhea of the mouth from courtney "danger" humm.

p.s. happy halloween everyone.

"born to be a rock star"

yes, it's true. after seeing these photos, brian said, "court, you were born to be a rock star."



i was immediately compelled to quit my day job. but since i only know two songs on the guitar, and still can't really figure out the whole concept of singing in key, i figure i will just compile a post of "album artwork" featuring jamie, maddy, and two of my favorite students, rachit and shubi. our band name would have to be the classic standby, cheap sunglasses and our album title... looking for a home in dobighat. introducing ms. jamie vinson-van drunen on tambourine and back-up vocals, ms. madeline eiche on drums, rachit malhotra on cow bell and shubishish bhutiani on bass. and me, courtney "big red" humm as lead singer and guitarist. hey, if you know anyone who plays cow bell, tell them to give us a cow. you can always use more cow bell.

hogwarts house championship (subtitled: sports day 2006)

last friday i unveiled my nimbus 2000 for the ride down to hanson field to celebrate my second sports day at woodstock school.
my undying love for sports day is multi-faceted. face paint, the tie-clad boys that hold the string for the finish line, team spirit, hanging out with the kids outside of school, not having a normal friday of classes, cheering the athletes and, most importantly, pretending that i work at hogwarts academy. here's me posing with the merlins mascot, joel. dumbledore, look out. the blue condors took the house cup this year, with the green condors and red merlins finishing second and third, respectively. i would like to think i would be professor mcgonnagal, but that title would probably go to shonila. either way, we've got spirit, yes we do. we've got spirit, how 'bout you?

la lune exquise (subtitled: it's a marvelous night for a moondance)

we chose to dedicate our weekend to the worship of the full moon. not the full worship, per say, there were no animal sacrifices… though there was some wholesome potluck-accompanied topless dancing in the candle-accompanied moonlight at mount hermon on friday.

on saturday we embarked on a night hike to flag hill to sleep under the last full moon where camping sans tents is advisable. gathering wood and building a fire, roasting marshmallows, eating chinese takeout and flame-toasted bagels with hummus with jamie, maddy and jessie after navigating the hill in the dark proved to be an adventure akin to a girl scout camping trip. we definitely would have earned our brownie merit badges for our stylish brown sashes. the night was punctuated by a coyote stealing some of our momos from a foot away from jamie's head and the moon’s glow illuminating the strings of tibetan prayer flags.

i awoke in time to watch the sun rise over the mountains as the moon shone behind me over mussoorie. peace like a river (or a sunrise) as the earth emanates divinity in a language my purposely-undefined faith speaks.

goodbye ruby tuesday (subtitled: they call it puppy love)

few things are as universal as love for puppies. who doesn’t love their little paws, puppy breath and playful demeanors? india has no shortage of loveable pups. dogs are as abundant as people and though the lonely planet advises travelers to “assume all dogs are rabid,” i find myself continually drawn in.

last year brian attempted adopting a dog. during the messy process, including night whining, barking, in-the-house defecation and attachment, i vowed never to become entwined with a pet. however, twice in the past week, i allowed my heart strings to be pulled and my soft, maternal side to reign without restraint. my first venture was rothko, the little black dog i had been eyeing in the bazaar. she approached me at the back gate on the way to school and i couldn’t help but take her home (consequently making myself late for work). rothko didn’t really embrace the concept of waiting for me, so our relationship was fleeting.

however, my ties to oskar/ ruby (he was so young we initially thought he was a girl). ran much deeper. well, comparably deeper. on sunday night i received a call from the dorms. the girls had found a puppy and it needed a home for the night (or longer, if i pleased, radika contended). though woodstock staff are forbidden to house dogs, i couldn’t resist. i prepared the house, creating a bed in the bathroom, making food, finding a leash, etc. man, i fell in love as soon as i saw his little blue eyes and teeny tiny feet. however, after sitting up all night, cleaning up puppy poop and trying to train him not to eat shoes and my carpet, i realized i was in over my head. fast forwarding to puppy responsibilities--coming home during the day to let him out, finding a home for him during school breaks, figuring out how to get him back to the united states and trying to establish a plan for the next 20 years to provide oskar/ ruby a stable home-- i realized that i had to get rid of my puppy (odd what a sense of ownership 24 hours can impel). i am glad to say that with the help of my students, we found him a home. and, this time via experience, i vow never again to allow myself to be so vulnerable to puppy love.

quarter break, woo hoo! (subtitled: “the world is divided into those who can shit and those who cannot”)

what florentino daza’s godfather avowed in love in the time of cholera surely rings true. and, beyond a shadow of a doubt, i am quite sure to which category i belong. though it is quarter break, i have not left the radius of my couch for longer than i would like to calculate. i had planned to venture to gangotri on a trek to the glacier with brian, jamie, ethan and maddy but my stomach has again curtailed my plans of indian greatness. to be honest, i am amazed with how content i am being a hermit. much more content than being a patient of the indian medical system with it’s non-sedated endoscopies and colonoscopies and bus-station-like hospital waiting areas. my colonoscopy, one of the most humiliating experiences in my life, involved newspaper on the examining table. the whole time in the back of my mind i was thinking about the time that katie couric had a colonoscopy on the today show to prove how easy it is. my colonoscopy definitely wouldn’t have made that cut. and now, following doctor’s orders, i am testing the waters as a vegan.

in the last two months i have seen pretty much every inch of my insides and some parts i would have preferred to remain veiled in mystery. i went to delhi in july for a full work-up at apollo hospital. upon arrival these incredibly tall indian men dressed in raj attire greeted the taxis and directed us to our correct locale, through the bus-station-like open air corridor. indian medicine is like the indian educational system, all about quantitative analyses. completing the apollo health checkup was like ticking off boxes on a scavenger hunt. chest x-ray, ultrasound, cardiogram, blood, urine and stool samples, etc. multiple patients crowd into an examining room simultaneously, sharing their personal information without apprehension. the assertiveness necessitated by indian culture is also prevalent in the medical arena, people gather around the door to the doctor’s office as if they were rushing to obtain tickets to a sold-out concert.

the no frills in-and-out care enables much lower medical costs, but who doesn’t like a little coddling now and then? however, my woodstock friends supply quite enough tender loving care to the tune of flowers, meals and entertainment. when my fortune in japan said, “the patient will take a long time to heal,” the gods definitely weren’t kidding. i am just beginning to wonder what they had in mind for “a long time.” patience has never been my strongest virtue.